May 21, 2005

Peace. Faith. Duty.

My IC says I'm a buddhist. I was, until about 5 years back. Now, when asked, I say I'm a part-time buddhist. From attending Sunday School at Phor Kar See, going to temple at least once every week, helping out at the temple a whole week preceeding Vesak, doing meditation and chanting, going vegetarian every twice a month to praying only when there's an occasion, only dropping by temple to send/pick up my mum... I've been connecting a lot less with my spiritual faith.

Nothing to do with whether my tertiary education has made me disenchanted. The Buddhism teachings that I was raised to acquaint with are already about disenchantment. Disenchantment from the worldly desires and the many worldly notions perpetuated through all sorts of vehicles. I knew about nothingness even before I had anything this world gave me.

I think, in some ways, my spiritual upbringing is the reason why I'm not caught up with materialism and found it easier to accept that things are usually not what they seem (for better or for worse). It also kept me occupied. While other teenagers were starting to go clubbing and dating and creating problems for their parents, I was quite happy tagging along to the temple with my mum and aunt. I had company there. I had a group of pretty good friends who are children of my mum's friends. At the age of 14, I was still playing Hide-and-seek at this really big carpark next to the temple, hiding in buses and behind the cars of other believers. At the age of 13, I made a girl cry because she was jealous I was getting more chummy with another friend of ours than with her. Hmm? Hahah.. I'm still good friends with this girl. She looks so much like me, everybody at the temple knows us as 'sisters'. And I call her parents 'Papa' and 'Mummy', vice versa. If you've been to my bedroom, you will see a photo of us at her brother's 21st birthday last year.

Come to think of it, it's true. My religion and basketball were the two things that kept me close to good company and close to my family during a time when it was typical to be rebellious. I still like being in the presense of big Buddha sculptures 'cos it makes me feel small and it makes any problems or confusions I have about life seem even smaller. I still like basketball 'cos I like the feel of catching a ball with my fingertips and throwing them into the basket to hear that 'Shoosh' sound - very familiar senses.

Anyway, without real effort, I've become a part-timer now. I'm going to temple later. To do ��� 濉� 浼� ��� 浠� 寮�. I like this a lot. Really. I like it when everyone is waiting quietly in the dark, for a light to be lit and then passed on. It gives a lot of inner peace. I haven't been doing it for 2 years, I think. It's time to reconnect with my spiritual faith.

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 15:57